Asshole !
June 18, 2008

A holiday that's all I wanted. A nice relaxing break following eighteen months of madness, so I arrive in LA to soak up the sunshine, see my dear friends and for once take a break from writing and performing and view some of Hollywood's best sights.

Well that was the intention, but alas my high tech Dodge van had other idea's.

"Police please" I said on my cell phone

"Excuse me maam?" she said in an unpleasant tone

"I am English and in England we dial 999 that's your 911 and we have to state clearly what we need - FIRE - AMBULANCE OR POLICE and although I would love you to send me a fire truck because I am trapped and it's hot and I am sure burning up in here, I know for a fact that I need a policeman" I didn't stop for air and got the feeling that because I went on a bit, I pissed her off.

"Is this an emergency" she said in the same tone as earlier

"Oh yes maam, it is. My veehicle (I turned American, as the sweet little English girl act wasn't cutting it) died maam. I am disabled and trapped in my car. I am in the fast lane, not that it is fast at the moment. I am on Highland between Hollywood Boulevard and Sunset and I am causing caos maam. People are calling me an .."

"Asshole" shouted a nice young man out of his car window and into mine.

"Ok maam, don't worry about the assholes, I'll get someone to you"

Within seconds a traffic cop was at my window.

"What's seem to be the problem maam" he said

"Oh I am terribly sorry officer, it just died on me, I am pulling the accelerator but nothing is happening, My A/C has quit too so I am baking in here"

I went back to the English 'oh dear I am so worried face' and it worked a treat. He re-assured me things were going to be fine and proceeded to cone off my rear end.

I called AAA (that's the RAC for my Brit friends) for a tow truck, then I called a taxis and a couple of friends to share in the drama.
And so at 5pm last Friday night I bought Hollywood to a complete standstill during rush hour and waited for calls from friends watching Fox News, CNN and KTLA asking.

"Is that you waving up at the helicopters?"

"It sure is and if they had sound on it, you'd be able to hear the pleasant Americans calling me an asshole too"

Although I am partial to a bit of drama, "I am an actor" I told the cop. "Yeah me too" he quickly replied. I've taken to sitting by the pool now with my book - I think it's best.

Happy days

Tasha x

© Natasha Wood 2009